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Obituary: Wantage Market Place

Wantage Market Place Obituary. 1 January 2020

After battling a long struggle, Wantage Market Place plassed away yesterday evening, at a clinic in Switzerland. Market Place didn’t wish to prolong the suffering and travelled to Zurich to pass peacefully.

Younger Life

In its heyday Wantage Market Place was the vibrant hub of this market town. A place where agricultural produce and livestock changed hands. Busy stagecoaches exchanged passengers, with pubs and hotels providing hospitality.

The late nineteenth century, Market Place benefitted from the patronage of Lord and Lady Wantage, who built the Town Hall and King Alfred statue. Market Place was the heart of the civic realm and cherished by the townsfolk.

The invention of the motorcar made Market Place busy yet dangerous. His handsome looks scarred by accomodating the clutter of parked cars. Nonetheless, the shops, banks, pubs and hotels of the Market Place thrived on him.

Years of Illness

Diagnosed with a rare form of heart diseased in the 1990’s, whereby the life-blood of commerce slowed in his body. The condition worsened with supermarkets becoming sited away from Market Place, and chain stores replacing family-owned shops.

Sadly, a secondary medical condition befell Market Place. This malody diagnosed as ‘online shopping’. This illenss causes invisibility, and Market Place experienced coming to terms with loneliness.

Online Shopping is a curable disease and Market Place decided to endure a long medical procedure. This procedure entailed being reinvented and repurposed, and receiving a blood tranfusion of imaginative traders creating remarkable things.

Wantage Town Council administered this potentially life-saving procedure. Sadly, the Council’s own malodies of ArseFromElbow syndrome and Couldn’tCareLessCosTooBusyAndTooImportant-itus, meant the procedure failed.

The Market Place reached the grand old age of 1400 years. He is missed by many older residents who can remember what he looked like. A book of remembrance is open in the museum for those who wish to pay their respects.